Questionable Qualities
by oh-cripe-my-fish
Summary: Ronald Knox is really trying his best, but he can't seem to wrap his head around what Grell Sutcliff sees in Willliam T Spears. At least, not the appeal of his personality, anyway. (Closeted Bi Knoxie)


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 _AN: I don't own Black Butler, but Yana Toboso does. Yana is love, Yana is life. Initially a drabble of about 500 words. I overdid it. Rated T for language and suggestiveness. Grell referred to with female pronouns._

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The question here is Ronald's sexuality.

"That frigidly cold, inexpressive face, mmhm~" Grell is saying in girlishly delight. She squirms in her seat beside Ronald, making ungodly noises, something similar to someone having successive miniature heart attacks or successive miniature orgasms. Maybe a bit of both. He's worried for her.

"He makes my body quiver and tremble at the sight of him. Ahhhhn."

"Cold and inexpressive," Ronald murmurs to himself, staring in the same direction Grell is. Chewing on his pencil intensifying, he squints his eyes and sinks lower at his desk to avoid the sweeping gaze of William T spears, who stands tall at the opposite end of the room conversing with an inspector. "Nope Senior Sutcliff. I still don't know how that makes him attractive."

Bursting her bubble, Grell gasps and feigns him an oddly shocked reaction, as if he's just said the most offensive, stupid, crazy and obscure thing in the world. The thing is, he hasn't. He's the sane one and she's the masochistic nymphomaniac with a probable murder addiction. Need he say more?

"Even if he is an acquired taste, _pleeeease_ tell me you can _at least_ see the _delectable_ little buttocks he has?" Grell says after closing her mouth, staring him down expectantly before she starts twirling her hair around one finger, her gaze travelling to enjoy the view when William turns to position his back to them. Ronald snorts at the sultry, kind of terrifying and kind of predatory look she's giving his backside over the top of her glasses.

Clearly she wants to bite into that. And Ronald isn't sure who he should feel sorry for more - for Grell in her pursuit of her equally as terrifying (as she is) ice prince, or William, when Grell is clearly in some sort of unheard of Shinigami heat, ready at any moment to jump on her boss and dry hump him like a horny dog. (Personally, he thinks they're suited to one another perfectly in this weird way - they are the two of the most terrifying reapers in Soul Retrieval in their own right)

"Yeah, yeah, I can see that. It's not like I don't have eyes," Ronald agrees, eyeing William's arse innocently, two fingers pressed to his lips in thoughtful observation. "Purt but toned, small, fits his suit pants perfectly, not too tight to be unprofessional, not too loose to suggest he has no sex life or fashion sense." Shrugging and sitting back into his chair, he doesn't restrain the undaunted resolution on his face. "He has the ass of a champion."

Grell hums suggestively and then turns two curious and questioning eyes on her babbling subordinate when he doesn't stop there, instead he continues to speak his mind quite openly and honestly.

"The same goes for the front too, right?" Ronald talks on, casually and carelessly. "It's a nice fit. but it still leaves a lot for the imagination. I bet his thighs are pretty toned and hot too. He probably has arms that are strong and supportive, ones that would make you feel safe at night, you know? He's a really attractive guy all right, but-"

"But you, Ronald Knox," the redhead interrupts ominously, "-Solemnly swear to never pursue my beau or you'll find yourself strung up outside Dispatch's entrance by the balls."

Ronald paled and hopped back in a flash at the deathly look Grell glared into his very soul and he protected said parts in question with his two hands, standing as if readying himself for a kick in the gonads. "Senpai, I'm straight!" Ronald protested.

"Silly me, how could I forget." Grell says flippantly. "You're straight~! As straight as the Great Wall of China and the course of the River Thames, or am I mistaken?"

"Which are really fuckin' sinuous, wee lad." Eric interrupts unhelpfully, head popping up over the cubical divide in front of them. He smiles sheepishly as they both stare flatly back at him. "Apologies Grell, rant on."

"Listen to Eric helpfully stating the obvious, Ronnie." she informs her subordinate with a sudden terrifying grin. "So go hunt for some extracurricular activities and get into a mixed sex orgy," she advises. "Then you can get back to me on whether you like getting the trumpet blown or blowing the trumpet yourself."

Ronald blinks owlishly, wide eyes and stunned, cheeks tingeing the faintest of pinks in embarrassment. "... sure?"

And with that Grell puffs air from her nose in satisfaction and strides off in William's direction for a bit of stiff man in a suit, hips purposely swaying more that usual. The flip of her hair over her shoulders is with impossibly dramatic flair.

"... Ah lad, Sutcliff is savage." Slingby chimes with a bark of laughter, reaching over to clap Ronald's shoulder in sympathy as they both watch Grell walk away, red hair and coat billowing in her wake.

Eric's initial response is speechless side eye, and then "... Has he even been in a mixed six orgy? Genuinely curious."

"Listen to a guy who has known Sutcliff since his academy days." Begins Eric matter-of-factly. " _Don't_ _ask him that_." The ghostly remnants of a long forgotten horror takes hold of the Scot and he shudders, eyes distant as his mind unearths stuff he'd rather not remember. "Not unless you want him to paint a very _very_ detailed picture of him sandwiched between Rodriguez from International Affairs and Alison from the Department of Education, surrounded by a few of those French transfers we had a decade ago and Tanya from Scythe Maintenance working her magic with cream and a whisk on the sidelines... I wish I hadn't of asked."

Whistling lowly, Ronald feels his brows rise off his face and ascend into heaven with this fresh new discovery, but he spots the traumatized look on Eric's face and figures it's probably his turn to offer a pat of sympathy. Eric murmurs a weak thanks at the gesture, but Ronald can't help himself, he can't leave it at that.

"Rodriguez? as in _Guillermo_ Rodriguez? Impressive. That guy is so high on the ladder of hot he's nearly untouchable. No homo intended." Ronald won't deny he's impressed with his senpai. He's not exactly surprised either, what with Grell having such a strong and blazing (more like destructive and destroying everything in her path) type of personality.

Eric sighs loudly and ruffles Ronald's hair in a lazy motion, holding himself back from pointing out that Ronald really did have a suspiciously good taste in men.

"Awright 'kay, if ya say so lad."

Again, the question here is Ronald's sexuality. He's the nearly immortal undead, with centuries ahead of him and decades behind him, and Ronald Knox is a man of true and new adventure, so maybe, just maybe, he won't be Dispatch's royalty of straight for much longer.

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 _AN: Le fin~_

 _This was supposed to feature Grelliam, but I swerved and wrote myself off a cliff edge. So instead have some borderline bisexual Ronnie! This sucks, I know, but I suck, and so, as the suck-y person I am, I'm going to shove suck-y stuff on my suck-y, profile. Enjoy the suck. Seriously, I'm incredibly sorry, I'm almost illiterate at the moment. My vocab and casual sentence structure and even my punctuation is messed up and I cba to proof read cause I'm lazy and just happy to have finished something for once. I actually haven't written anything for fun in so long. Anything I write these days usually includes sourcing and research material and it's driving me bonkers. It was super fun writing for Kuro though, it's my first time and I definitely want to try doing it again sometime. Grell is my spirit animal. What a wonder she is._

 _Thanks you so much for reading, and I will bid you adieuuuu._


End file.
